What if I told you that the majority of deep anxiety stems from the constant subconscious self-fighting we do to protect ourselves and the energy it takes to hide our truest selves?
When our inner and outer selves are not in alignment, our body is in a constant state of push and pull. Our external self is telling us to be, say and do anything that will keep us safe and deemed as lovable by the outside world. This creates friction in our nervous systems and requires our body to expel unnecessary energy, causing us to feel tired, stressed, angry, sad and, of course, anxious. When we fight against reality, we are depleting our physical resources because we’re playing a role that we were never meant to play. Often, this desire to change our external selves is rooted in childhood trauma, where we might have been told we were unlovable if we didn’t act a certain way or do certain things.
Now, what if I told you the universe created us to walk the path to find the real us? What if the most authentic version of ourselves is the closest we can come to the earthly version of heaven? When we finally come to this higher consciousness, we release the burdens and struggles that we call “anxiety,” and can live in harmony in our true nature. To do this, we must peel back the layers of the protected self that we have applied so deeply for years and years.
Anxiety is a secondary emotion that stems from misalignment and worry of what will come in the future. It is generally not a mindful emotion and has very little to do with the truth of who we are. It often originates when our nervous system perceives a threat and sends chemical alerts to our brain saying, “Hey, in the past, when I was in this similar situation, I needed to keep myself safe.” Our body then releases stress hormones to prepare us to act. With that being said, we need anxiety for actual threats; yet, the majority of our anxiety isn’t related to things that are actually threatening us. Rather, our body reacts to perceived threats based on the idea that we may lose a connection or love from those we care about if we don’t perform or live up to their expectations.
Here comes my fourth question … What if I told you that we were born perfect, our most essential selves, and that life and the outside world told us we should hide, change and create false identities? This desire to shy away from our born-perfect selves is learned as a small child in our homes, schools and communities. Caregivers and parents walk around with these very same unhealed childhood protective strategies. They then project those same anxieties and fears onto their children in the hopes that they will be protected from the hurtful world around them. This cycle has created a pandemic of inauthenticity. We don’t know how to love one another as we are because each of us is showing the world what we think they want to see, not what’s in our hearts. The cycle of inauthenticity is why many of us are burnt out and anxious,
Now, for my last question, how do we stop the cycle? We need to parent and love others by providing a safe space for them to be and speak their truth. We need to allow our children, friends and family to make mistakes and not allow fear to hold them back. We also shouldn’t project our own insecurities onto others as it creates a block in our connection; but rather, we should let people see us for who we are and seek out connections with those who can love our truest selves. And, as parents, we need to foster independence and love for our children based on their unique traits, not what society deems as good, successful or normal. Instead of reacting with fear, let’s parent with love and logic.
To do all of this, you need to ask yourself, “Can I become a place of safety for those I love without triggering my own insecurities and anxiety?” If your answer is “no,” we have resources at Wake Wellness that can help you deal with that pain and regulate your nervous system. We are meant to co-regulate and be in community, and that’s what we can be for you, if you need it.
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